Becoming a Mother

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Being a mother was never something I thought about. I hated babysitting as a teenager. I never wanted our friends' kids around after we were married. I never really saw myself staying at home, changing diapers or playing on the floor, so after 2 years of marriage, I was shocked when the prompting came that it was time to have a baby. So with faith and hope that I might be a better mother than I imagined I would be, we decided to give it a shot. 

It was exciting and scary all at the same time, and I remember reading book after book about pregnancy, birth and mothering. I started paying close attention to the way my friends did things and took mental notes. When Jace arrived, I was again shocked by the immediate fierceness of my love for him. He was perfect and heavenly and I couldn't get enough of him or the new me...in less than 12 hours I had been transformed. 

Don't get me wrong, mothering was still tough. I was alone in a small condo, across the country from family with a husband that worked 80 hours a week. I had no clue what to do with a baby (hence the crazy, crying breakdown when my mom left...I mean the pull over to the side of the road because you can't see breakdown). To top it off, Jace cried for about 9 months unless I held him or bounced him and he hated to sleep. Looking back it sounds awful. But in the moment, I remember loving most of it. Never had I felt so loved, important or needed and I knew I'd found my place in the world...I would forever be a mother. 

Fast forward lots of years (9 to be exact) and mothering is still a constant passion and constant struggle. There are so many moments of rock bottom, so many moments of endless frustration, so many sleepless nights and so many indescribable highs, so many expressions unconditional love and so many moments of spiritual inspiration. My boys are better than we could have created, so I know they are God's children. I see a bit of heaven in each of them on a daily basis. I'm trying, so hard, everyday,  to be the mother God wanted them to have. 

I fall short often. I'm so glad mothering is not a competition with blue ribbons and cash prizes to the woman who does it best. There are oh so many times that are so vivid to me when I've wondered...really, this is as good as I get? As I apologize for my kid pushing someone off the slide or biting or hitting and wonder what I've done wrong. Or as I attend creative birthday parties or read about fantastic crafts other moms put together and think, Boy my kids are missing out. Or as I envy meaningful family traditions, find myself wishing my kids were back in school, or  know I am over- or under-disciplining and think, if only I were better, more loving or more consistent.

These thoughts used to come much more often,  but over and over I have had the spirit whisper to me, "YOU are who your boys need. They were sent to YOU for a reason. I know them, and I know you and I chose YOU to be their mother." After that profound feeling, I realized that what others do, doesn't really matter and I can rejoice in their strengths and successes without feeling inferior because I am who my children need and YOU are who your children need. That was God's plan. Each day I try to be a better me. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but everyday, I try because they are everything to me. They are all smart, kind, faithful and good boys who love me almost as much as I love them and I feel so blessed everyday to be their mother.

This year, I felt especially emotional as I opened their sweet cards. They are all old enough to write and it was so touching to read their words: 

JAMES

Each sentence started with, I Love My Mom 

 because She reads me a book

because She helps me with my homework

because She makes me laugh by tickling me

because She taught me how to read

I love to hear my Mom sing "Dynomite"

because she finds time to go for a walk

I know my mom cares because she lets me sleep in her bed when I am scared

I know my mom is smart because she knows math

I love my mom because she works so hard at the community center.

PARKER

I love Mom

because she reads me Magic Tree House

because she helps me clean my room

because she makes me laugh by tickling me

because she taught me how to read

I love to hear my mom sing Blue Skies

because she finds time to play with me

I know my mom cares because she makes me breakfast

I know my mom is smart because she know 12 times 10

I love my mom because she works hard at the community center

JACE

Dear Mom,

You make me breakfast and pay for school. You let me play outside and you are always nice. But most of all, you always love me. So it is my turn to love you just like how much I love babies. Roses are red, Violets are you. You are special in all that you do.

PIERCE

Just having him in our life...his smile, his giggle, the way he looks when he sleeps makes every sacrifice worth it.

MIKE

He just made it a perfect Mother's Day. I am so grateful for a husband who honors and values my role as a mother. He tells me all the time what a wonderful mother he thinks I am and he is constantly expressing his gratitude for all I do with the boys and around our house. It feels so good to be married to a man who values me and my contribution so much. It's been said that the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. If that is true, our children have it made.

So grateful for a wonderful Mother's Day! 

Kalahari!

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The Big Day!

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Graduation!

On April 26, 2012 Mike graduated with a Master's of Health Management and Policy from the University of Michigan. It was such a proud day for our entire family. I'm not a very emotional person, but as he walked into the gorgeous Hill Auditorium I was fighting back tears the entire time as I realized what this meant for him and for our family.

Mike has put his heart, soul and all his effort into obtaining this degree. He's been a stellar student with incredible grades, the "go to" guy for everything at the school, the President of the professional association, the networking king and everyone's favorite classmate. In addition to all of this, he has held down jobs on the side, a bishopric calling and somehow managed to be a husband and father. We could not be more proud of him and his example for the boys of following your dreams and valuing education. 

Many people over the last few days have said, "This degree is half yours," and as I watched Mike take his diploma, I really felt the truth in that statement. It was such a difficult decision and came with loads of sacrifices and life changes. For two years, we rarely saw Mike and when we did he was often only available for an hour or two and then had to get back to work. Many days were tough and often I felt like a single mom. I knew that having our last baby and working part time would be especially challenging during our second year here and often held my breath through difficult days or weeks, but it was all worth it! My friends, ward and community made many of those long days shorter and lonely weekends full of fun. I am so grateful for the sustaining arm of my Savior who often prodded me along reminding me that I am here to stretch myself and do hard things. While I may not have a M.H.A. to show for it, I've obtained my own invaluable education over the past 2 years.

I am also so proud of my boys. They have had fantastic attitudes about change and their new life here. They've adjusted to everything so well and never complain about not having a bigger house or more money to do fun things (That is not to say they aren't excited for 3 bathrooms and a garage :). They have been awesome, and I'm so grateful they are mine. I hope they will always remember being at their dad's graduation and I hope it will help them be fearless as they set life goals for themselves.

I must also mention my gratitude to Mike's parents and my parents for their support of this crazy decision. Their love, words of encouragement and their financial help made this process much less stressful than it could have been. Once again, we are forever in your debt and hope that we will one day fill that role for our children when they most need it. 

Enough of the sappiness...mostly it was a day filled with complete JOY!!

He looks even more handsome as a graduate, don't you think?

The gorgeous Hill auditorium and one note about the graduation....it was an incredible thing to witness and you couldn't help but feel the intellectual power in the room. The keynote speaker was inspiring and allowed you to be excited about where health care about public health will go. He encouraged the graduates to get out there are change the world. It was fantastic. 

My man.

proud parents

Love this guy.

Here Comes Graduation

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We were so glad that Mimi and Papa could come for Mike's graduation! It was 2 packed days of festivities before they had to go to Utah for Grammy's funeral. We started with a to-die-for lunch at The Gandy Dancer, a posh restaurant in the old Ann Arbor train station. We loved it all, but James was mostly happy he came because of dessert!

Mike's graduation gift to himself was 2 boxes of root beer. One box was the Goose Island root beer brewed in Chicago and the other was root beer brewed around the country. We've had a blast tasting each different kind and still have lots left to try. He is so fun.

Box 2 of root beer

After spending 2 years with many of Mike's classmates, we decided we wanted to meet everyone's parents and be able to say good-bye, so we met at Cottage Inn for pizza, salad, toasts and pictures. It was so much fun to meet everyone's family and celebrate together. Another thing I loved was when Jace took my camera and everyone was happy to pose for him :). Need to remember to do that more often...no one gets goofy when I'm holding it!

Mike with Kristen and Drew

Erica, with Drew, again

The studying gang: Michelle, Emily, Same, Mike, Katherine,
Kristen, Katherine, Erica and Kaitlin

Evan, Michelle, Katherine

Before the actual graduation, the school put on a great reception for the graduates and their families. Rick and Marci were nice enough to stay with the kiddos, since 3 hours of boringness was all they could handle. It was fun to see all Mike's classmates and a few professors. It's a great group of people and we can't wait to see who they become in the future. 

Brosnan and Mike

April at a glance (or two)

Jace's first Broadway Play!

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Rick and Marci got Jace tickets to a Broadway show in Detroit for his birthday, Beauty and the Beast and Mike and I got to take him. It was amazing to sit and watch him watch the play with all the music, lights, costumes and special effects. He had already read the book and seen the movie, so it was fun to see him compare and contrast. He felt very special to have a date night with mom and dad and loved watching the play. What a great gift! 

Baseball Opening Day

It's our favorite sports season...baseball!! There is just something about getting out there every spring that makes me smile. This year we are very lucky because Jace and Parker are on the same team (Parker is tiny) and they have great coaches again and lots of fun families to sit and chat with. Opening Day was a great success and we have already loved watching the boys play. They are both doing so well! 

Sunday, spring nights

I love Sunday afternoons and evenings...especially the kind that are a chilly warm, the kind where friends stop by, the kind where wiffle ball is played in the field behind our place, the kind where dads in Sunday clothes join the boys game, and the kind where my baby just sits in the grass smiling as he watches his brothers play ball. It's the kind of night where I sit back and thank the Lord for my beautiful life. 

Maple Tapping

There are lots of reasons we love Michigan, but one of them is that the world is so alive out here. In fact, even our trees perform out here. Michigan is one of the few places where you can extract the sap from Maple trees to produce maple syrup. They demonstrate this at a great park not too far from our house where they still do it the old fashioned way and you even get to sample the maple syrup and watch them make maple cream and maple sugar. Of course we bought some of the fresh stuff to enjoy at home.

They present everything in a really rich, interesting way that even the kids enjoy (okay, Jace was bored after only a few minutes, but that is pretty typical...Parker and James were totally interested and Parker didn't want to leave). We had an unusually warm March so we felt very lucky to still be able to see them get a good tap at the end of the month! I think we'll make this a tradition (although the breakfast was pretty lame, so I think we'll skip that and eat our own pancakes).

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Easter 2012

We headed back up to Salt Lake for Easter weekend and we loved being with our family in perfect Easter weather. The day was just sunny and delightful, except that Mike was already home preparing for finals and Pierce was getting over what we now know was hand foot and mouth...AKA the most miserable disease a baby can get. I am so grateful for priesthood blessings that offer peace, comfort and healing. I've never seen little Piercy in so much pain.

The day was lots of fun with Easter baskets, church, an egg hunt, lots of family and vats of food that was so yummy I wish I had two stomachs! I had forgotten how great the food is when we get together :)! It was sad to say good bye to cousins and grandma and grandpa that night too, but we loved being able to be together. Easter is also a great day to take lots of pictures, so we did. Enjoy the overload!

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Spring Break, Utah Style

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We were all SO excited to be heading out west for Spring Break. It was our first chance to meet Baby Beau and our first chance to see my parents' awesome new digs in St. George. We all boarded the plane in Detroit and couldn't wait to get to Utah. Thanks mom and dad for the chance to come visit everyone. It was even better than we could have imagined!