New Years Resolutions

Now that it's the end of February, I figure I should write a New Year's post. I've always been a crazy goal setter...unfortunately, I don't keep them as well as I set them. I vividly remember one year, driving to Arizona from California and I made a list of 24 resolutions I wanted to keep. You should have met the person I was planning on becoming, wish I'd met her. By February, I had failed at all of them and decided to just wait until next January to do better. Not ideal.

This year I spoke in church on New Year's Day and it was such a blessing to reflect on why we make goals and resolutions and how I can be better at keeping them. What I learned basically came down to the following: we should make and keep realistic resolutions that bring us closer to Jesus Christ, allow us to become more like Jesus Christ, and allow other people to more fully feel His love in their life. The talk I got most of my material from was this one by Elder Joe J. Christensen.  One quote about goal setting I found especially insightful was:

Only one verse of scripture in the entire King James Version of the New Testament suggests what the Savior did to develop himself from age twelve until he began his formal ministry at age thirty: “Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man” (Luke 2:52; see JST, Matt. 3:24–26). In other words, the Savior developed in the same areas indicated on the poll: intellectually (in wisdom and knowledge), physically (in stature), socially (in favor with man), and spiritually (in favor with God).

While talking to Mike about making goals, he said something that changed the game for me. He said, "In companies, they often set 3 levels of goals...the absolute minimum that must be met, a level of achievement that is realistic but difficult, and the insane ideal of hoped for, almost perfection."

With all that inspiration flowing through me, I was motivated to set goals this year in a way that I could stick with them. Some I set in levels, others I just set. They are:

Spiritual: I've set the same spiritual goal for 10 years and always fail. This year, that will change. I will read my scriptures!
Level 1: Read something from the scriptures every day (So far, I've accomplished this, everyday. Some days I read a lot, some days just a verse, but I have not failed or felt the need to start over!)
Level 2: Have meaningful scripture study twice a week (this has happened only a few times, but since I keep meeting level one, I have not given up).
Level 3: Do the first 2 levels and also be prepared for Sunday School and Relief Society each week (hasn't happened yet, but it might by the end of the year.)


Physical: I will wake up early each day. Now, not crazy early like many of you out there or like my hubby, but I do still have a nursing baby who loves waking up at night. I need to be up early enough to make breakfast (yes, we do a real, hot breakfast almost every morning), read a few scripture verses and say morning prayers on my own, make lunches, nurse the baby and make sure everyone is ready for school without feeling rushed or annoyed. This also gives me motivation to go to bed a bit earlier and allows us to have smooth, happy mornings. I've been okay so far, but could do better. When my baby starts sleeping through the night, I'd like to get a quick workout in too before all the chaos begins.

Social: I will serve someone every week. Going well, but I would like to make this more deliberate and involve my family more.

Intellectual: I will read aloud to my kids. Now that they can all read on their own (except Pierce, of course), it's easy to never read aloud to them. So, we re-discovered reading as a family and we have all LOVED it. It has brought us closer together, given us shared knowledge, given us a new family activity, and reminded my kids of how much fun reading can be. There is nothing I love more than hearing them beg me for "just one more chapter!" When Mike misses the book, he asks me what happened that night. It's been lots of fun. A few of the reads we've especially enjoyed together are: The Tale of Desperaux (good for ages 4 and up), Matilda (good for ages 5 and up), and Gregor the Overlander series (I'd say 6 and up, though James loves it too). If you have boys, try the Gregor series...it's awesome!  It's a goal I'm so glad I felt inspired to set.

So, writing about goals at the end of February seems kind of funny, but maybe more appropriate since this is about the time I usually give up and save my list for next year. Amazingly, we are still going strong! Do you have any great goals this year?

Share, share alike

(Bear with me during some of these posts. With the approach of a new baby, I'm trying to document some of the strategies that have worked for us, so far. Hopefully, I can continue some of the good things and discard the bad.)

Selfishness is one of my least favorite vices. Stuff is just stuff. Things are just things. I remember reading in Randy Pauch's, Last Lecture that he never wanted the people he loved to ever think that things mattered more than people. I wholeheartedly agree.

So, after I had two boys who wanted the same things very often and who often laid claim to ownership, I realized that I hated spending every mothering moment deciding on who owned what. It drove me crazy. So, we instituted a rule in our house: On Christmas and on your birthday, YOU own your items. You can decide if you want them the entire day or want to let others play, but everyone has a birthday and everyone gets new stuff for Christmas (and everyone remembers how you acted). Every other day, the toys or other items belong to our family as a whole and anyone is allowed to play with them, as long as they are respectful, and we switch off reasonably (with a timer when they were little, now they get it without a lot of monitoring).

For the most part, it's worked amazingly well for lots of years, especially since we have 3 boys all so close. I spend very little time regulating and I really like the way my boys, usually, kindly allow their brothers, friends and neighbors to use their stuff and feel comfortable sharing what they have. There are a few exceptions to the rule...bikes are the owners (espeically since everyone has one) and if everyone has something new that is the same and you loose or ruin yours, you're kind of out of luck for a bit.

For us, it's led to a pretty harmonious home regarding toys and other things and this feeling has extended to a more general attitude in life...my boys pretty much know the expectation is to share, even treats after sports games or bites of ice cream with their mom. That's just how we roll.

There are some drawbacks...there is less sense of ownership, so sometimes things aren't taken care of as well as I'd like, once in awhile it may be better not to share (food allergies, etc.) so we have to be careful, and they often assume everyone is as happy to share as they are and that is not always the case, so we have to talk about boundaries and respecting other peoples' stuff, but I feel like, for the most part it has worked really well for our family, especially with 3 so close.

Now, with this new little one, we'll see how it goes. Five years is a big age difference, but I'm hoping to somehow still create that same attitude in him!

Why I loved being a mother this Mother's Day

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*3 boys who made me breakfast all on their own before 9 am church

*Handmade cards and art projects.

*A husband who wouldn't let me do anything.

*Beautiful, new, planted flowers out our front door.

*A fabulous, yellow diaper bag for my present (it was a computer case, so lots of pockets, plenty big, all waterproof, and super cute for $25 from TJ Maxx).

*An incredible church service that inspired me to rejoice in my strengths as a mother and strive to be the woman God knows I can be. Many of the shared words came from this perfect message http://lds.org/liahona/1988/03/but-one-thing-is-truly-needful?lang=eng&query=one+thing+truly+needful

*Mothers, all around, who have taught and guided me on my journey. I'm in awe of so many women and mothers in my life.

*Talking to all of our moms and grandmothers to wish them a happy day. I love that there are a few days each year where you really feel the need to express gratitude and connect.

*A really fabulous mothering year, though far from perfect, this year much of our persistence during difficult times with our kids seems to be paying off a bit as I see them grow.

*The chance to be a mother, again. It's such a blessing and we are so excited.

*A husband who is a full partner and huge support in my mothering efforts...couldn't ask for better.

*Spending time with my mom on Mother's Day for the first time in so many years I cannot count. Everyday I feel so blessed to be her daughter and that my kids get to have her as a grandmother. Honestly, each year she amazes me more and just keeps getting better. Ever heard the phrase, "How does she do it?" I think someone coined that after they met my mom. She serves tirelessly...I can't keep up with her. She is the most "anxiously engaged in a good cause" woman I know. She hardly sleeps. She's never sick enough to stop going. I've never, in my life, seen her take a nap. She supports and loves me and builds me up when I am weak. She gives until you wonder what is left for her. Even at 31, when she visits she takes care of me and my family and I hardly lift a finger. Having her here is like a glorious break, but you know everything is being perfectly taken care of, better than you could ever do I just love her so much and am so grateful to be her daughter!

Chore Chart Dropout

I hate chores, for me and my kids and my husband. I really feel like cleaning just gets in the way of all the other fun and more important and interesting things in the life of a mother. I've often wished I had just a little OCD in me (To be honest, a kitchen full of open drawers and cupboards doesn't call out to me to shut them...gasp!) The problem? I also hate having a messy house and so does my super clean husband, and my kids like things orderly too or they don't play with anything, so what's a girl to do? Oh, and that minor thing about teaching your children to work and be productive? Yeah, need to fit that in too.


When we moved here I was totally going for the OCD girl...house perfect all the time, all the laundry done and put away on one day of the week, chore charts for each child that were finished before school, dishwasher started every night, a rotating list of deep cleaning...you know, crazy? It worked for a bit...


Then life got real. We got busy: friends, jobs, activities, homework, church callings, sports, holidays, visitors. I couldn't keep up with my craziness, so now I'm just back to being me (well, me plus a very clean and helpful husband). My downstairs (kitchen and living area) is almost always clean or 5 minutes from it as is my bathroom (lots of pressure when there is only one in your house) because it makes me happy to walk into a clean house that smells good, plus I like people to feel welcome when they walk in ...upstairs, you are rolling the dice. I pretty much stack my clothes in a corner for a week, then hang them all up. Laundry gets done in spurts, sometimes not often enough and I have to throw a load in for socks and underwear. Deep cleaning about once a week or every 10 days. On the brighter side, I am a purger, and don't like clutter, so you won't find any hoarding going on around here (just in case you are envisioning a hazmat zone). I'm pretty sure I'm a better mom and person without trying to pretend like I have OCD. (It's a DISorder for a reason, right?)  I can't stand the pressure of having a perfectly clean house...you never want your kids to do ANYTHING.


Oh, and chore charts are out too. My kids are too young to do them independently and I'm too lazy to enforce them all the time. It was becoming like a full time job. So, now our plan is before school every kid does 5 things (thanks Jenny) 1. Make bed 2. Clean room 3. Get dressed 4. Say prayers 5. Brush teeth. It's working like a charm...no one misses or negotiates or forgets. Loving it.


Then, our deal as a family is when I ask for help, you have to answer yes. So, the boys help with dishes, unload the dishwasher, clean the stairs, take out the garbage and help with extra stuff on the weekends or when we need it. Sometimes I need their help a lot, sometimes rarely. They are generally happy helpers and as long as they stay that way, I'm happy to wing it with them.


I realized, I can't become someone I'm not. I have friends who keep stuff spotless without being crazy and their kids learn from them to keep things spic and span. That is seriously admirable. For me, pretty clean is good enough, and when we have a party or visitors, I get a little crazy and things are spotless and I love it for the moment and the next morning I don't do the breakfast dishes until after lunch and let my kids cut paper and use glue right on the kitchen table in between those breakfast dishes and syrup spills, then we play a few games on the ground and read a few books and pile them all on the couch where they do not belong and it feels so good. I've decided that a little less than perfect around here is perfectly all right with me.

Learning to Read

It's no secret that I love to read. Before I had children, I had visions of snuggling up with babies, teens and everything in between and sharing my love of books. Funny how most of those idealized visions never materialize. You see, I have 3 boys. Busy, crazy, active, amazing boys and I love it. They like books and like to read, but they would always choose something active over something still, so I had to make learning to read a bit more fun than looking at letters and practicing sounds.

So, just in case we have more kids at some future point and I'm too old to remember what I did well with the first 3, I thought I should write a few parenting things down, since my blog is pretty much our only journal now.  Also, a few people here were interested in how I got my boys to read fairly early, so I thought I should make a record of it. 

Before I start with my explanation,  you must know that I think children really catch on when they are ready. My boys are not "gifted" readers that plow through chapter books at 4 or teach themselves to read at 2. I've known a few kids like that and they are amazing. Also, all of my boys have learned differently. #1 knew letters and sounds at a ridiculously young age, #2 has great instincts and can hear the correct words when he strings sounds together without any effort at all, and #3 was so stubborn that he went from barely recognizing all his letters to reading 3 and 4 letter words with short vowels in 3 months, plus he really loves books. There is only so much you can do as a parent but you can do something!

That being said, I've always hoped my kids would be reading before Kindergarten, for the sheer fact that if they can do that, it seems they are immediately labeled as "smart," and that is nice label to start life with, even if it's not always true. On the other hand, my friend's daughter didn't read at all, not one word, until 1st grade, but then reading just clicked for her and as a 3rd grader she's her classes' highest performer and major book lover. So, lots of times it really doesn't matter, but since I loved it so much it was important to me. Plus, you hear of boys struggling with reading more often than girls, so anything I could do to give my boys a leg up was a good thing.

Also, I'm not a teacher or expert, but I thought I'd share a few things that were fun and worked for us so that I can remember too.

Books

These are 2 of our favorites. One thing I like about them is that they are easy for the kids to participate in. From the time they can talk, once they are familiar with the book, I usually leave the last word of the sentence out and let them fill it in. As they get older I leave out more and more. We have quite a few books they can recite. It gives them confidence and they learn to look at pictures and predict words. It's always been a fun game for us and keeps them engaged in reading.

Alphabet Floor Puzzles

We have used this puzzle like crazy. We have lots but this is my favorite because the letters are formed correctly and are easy to read and the pictures are in the background. We have used this to pieces with all of my kids. The ways we used the puzzle:

*We would do it together

*We'd sing the ABCs as we pointed to the letter. We'd sing it faster and faster and faster.

*We'd jump from letter to letter while singing.

*We'd point out the letters we knew.

*When they were familiar with some letters, I'd put a piece of sugar cereal on each letter, and if they knew the letter, they could eat the cereal. If not, I'd eat it. I'd start with just a few that I knew they knew then add one or two every time we did the puzzle. I tried to teach the easiest, most familiar ones first.

*Pretty soon, they knew all the letters, so we'd do the same thing with sounds. It was a fun game that kept their attention. It seemed like they looked forward to our puzzle time.

*We stopped when it wasn't fun or when interest was gone. One thing I knew was that I never wanted reading to be a punishment or chore but a fun way to interact with me and the world. 

The Letter Factory DVD

I'm not usually a fan of TV learning, in fact it seems like an oxymoron, but this DVD was awesome for teaching sounds. Once my kids knew the letters, I let them watch this DVD for their TV time and the sounds usually came lickety split.

My first steps to reading books

I think these books are painfully boring, but all my kids have really liked them and they teach lower case letters really well. Capitals seemed much easier than lowercase. You can get the whole set at the library.

Spelling!

One thing that has always worked well for us is using spelling to learn to read. In the car or when trying to pass time, I'll give my kids words to spell. In the beginning, I'll help them sound them out, letter by letter (meaning I'll say the sound and they the letter), but it's not long before they can do it on their own. I also like using spelling to teach new concepts like the silent "e" or the "y" that sounds like an "i." We actually spell a lot before we try read.

Foam Bath Letters!

We used these a bunch too. I'd suggest buying at least 2 sets, so you have 2 of each letter. We spent a lot of bathtub time spelling words on the wall. I love places where my kids enjoy (or have to) chat with me. This felt like a game to them too, so they were happy to play "bath spelling" which often leads to "bath reading."

Lists!

I'm always amazed at how quickly kids start stringing sounds together once they have them down. We like to write our own lists to read and start with a simple sound like, "at." Once they can do that, we add a letter to the beginning of the sound (cat, bat, sat, mat) then do another ending and do the same thing and presto! they can read. Watching their face when they do it on their own for the first time is magic. They are so proud.

Sight Words.

There are just some words you can't sound out, so we have to "remember" those. These are tough and it's helpful when a preschool teacher or kindergarten teacher has a list and reinforces it. If not, they are easy to find online. 

Beginning Books

There are so many series out there for beginning readers. We've almost always gotten them from preschool or kindergarten teachers.  If my kids ever got frustrated with it, they would read a page, then I would read a page. I never wanted reading to be a hassle for them or force them to read books that were too far above their level. That's just frustrating. I also didn't stop reading to them for pleasure just because they could read.

After this, I'm so glad my kiddos go to school! We try to supplement and reinforce what they learn there. All 3 of them would still rather play then read, so we have a plan each night:

Later Bedtime

We read scriptures together at 8, then they are all welcome to keep their light on for 30 minutes and read on their own. If they are not reading or looking at books, the light goes off. It's their personal reading time. I read to them at other times of the day. It's been a great way for our kids to settle down and have some independent time and makes reading a real privilege, not a chore.

Meet Grateful Pig

My mom sent us "Grateful Pig" this year in the mail and he has been such a fun part of our November. At least once a day each of us write something we are grateful for on a slip of paper and slide it in to Grateful Pig. On Thanksgiving when everyone is here, each family will open their pig and read about the many blessings we all have. My boys love the secret element to it and I love that they are constantly thinking about what they have...and so am I.

My mom got the cute sparkly pigs at Old Navy for $5 and I thought it would be a great way to do December too...instead of thinking about all the things you want, thinking about what you already have. Great tradition! Thanks mom, we love it!!

Here is the letter she attached on cute paper with a colorful bow on grateful pig:

Think of THANKFUL PIG like you would his famous cousin, Piggy Bank...something to place your deposits in until it's time to make a big withdrawal. THANKFUL PIG accepts little written expressions of gratitude instead of pennies and nickels. Put THANKFUL PIG in a place where he can be easily seen. Once a day, ask every family member to write on a slip of paper something he or she is thankful for. Place each slip into THANKFUL PIG. Over time, the slips will tell your family's unique story, all the while reminding each family member how important--and fun--it is to be thankful.

By Thanksgiving Day your pig will be well stuffed--maybe even overstuffed. THANKFUL PIG'S big reveal on Thanksgiving Day will help turn the holiday into what i was meant to be: the joyful climax to a year of gratitude!